Fearful avoidant ghosting reddit I don't know if he's dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant or just a straight up asshole but we were in a cyclical relationship for 6 years. I text them the same day that i can't reply, as m busy. Chaotic is the best word. Most of my reading has been in the realm of attachment theory, and I suspect this friend is Fearful Avoidant with a strong Dismissive Avoidant lean (as an aside, attachment theory is such a helpful tool in understanding ourselves and others!). I'd say I'm 75% secure, 20% avoidant and 5% anxious. Do not accept ghosting. I used to think ghosting was an avoidant tick; it’s not. Posted by u/Ok-Dark-5344 - 5 votes and 2 comments I also tend to date avoidant or FA leaning avoidant. Historically, I've gotten avoidant towards people who I would consider very emotionally demanding or have some "boundary issues" - wanting to spend constant time together/talk all the time (this is something I wouldn't consider inherently bad - just overwhelming to my avoidant side), a sense of possessiveness/jealousy of me, regularly initiating fights over very small things, ignoring strong I tend to mostly see people with BPD have anxious attachment styles so I’m super curious to know if anyone else on here also has an avoidant attachment style. r/Music — Reddit’s #1 Music Community — “Life is a song, love is the music. When with a FA/avoidant I am extremely fawning and codependent and lose myself and please at all costs. I lean anxious. For context, I am a male, in my early 30's. My ex boyfriend (30M) just broke up with me (29F) suddenly a few weeks ago. And now they're healed and counts under secured attachment type currently. During the date u imagine all the ways it wouldn't work out… You're probably a fearful avoidant, I keep doing this too. God damn it hurts man. He seems to be forgiving. I became anxiously attached while with him and I never want to go back to that headspace. But what's hard is accepting that she truly just doesn't care. The Anxious person reciprocates that interest. i'm an avoidant-dismissive and i've ghosted people a few times for different reasons. 5 months now i feel I've been ghosted going on 6 weeks NC, I have I think we are talking about attachment styles. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). as a rule of thumb, there is a big "phantom ex" effect when it comes to the dissmissive avoidant. And by too much interest I'm talking about when we are on a first date with a new guy, and he maybe flirts with me before I'm ready to be flirted with, I get a strong "ick" feeling of repulsion, like the weight of his romantic expectations suffocates me, and I get This. I understand that they have good reason for that, but I like to take a different approach. there's no way you would know that, though. She told me she thought the same about me. It’s not just the “avoidant ex” you’re getting over, it’. Honestly, I don't recommend dating avoidants UNLESS you are one too (and even then I don't find it healthy). I know I might sound very stupid saying this haha. the person in question may actually miss you really much, and internalize that feeling. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn about attachment styles until we ended. Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. too much attention, too many compliments, demanding my space/time/energy, too many compliments (not trusting someone is also a trigger). The child never manages to figure out how to seek connection because nothing works, and so it’s nearly impossible to develop cohesive coping mechanisms Fearful-avoidant attachment affects around 7% of the population. She then asked to remain friends. This girl in the video is Thais Gibson (specialist in attachment styles) I wish I was introduced to her while I was dating my ex. I think about how nice it would be all the time but when it gets to a point where it could be a possibility, I completely freeze and panic. This takes time and starts with small gestures of treating yourself with the care and patience you were never shown. Fearful avoidant (f) over here! I feel extremely anxious at the moment because I’m supposed to see someone I like (I have a big crush on him) this weekend… the plan is not super clear, so I feel anxious, I feel like he might just cancel on me (maybe not, but that’s my anxiety talking)… because of that I want to hide under my blanket and So similar except she called and ended things 4 days after meeting my kids. It deals with your: perceptions, identity, emotional regulation, relationships, process thoughts, etc. For me, I think it was more that I was projecting my own insecurities onto her because the things I was critical about were things that I generally didn't like about myself. If I feel like they're losing interest in me, I'll either pull away to match them (often overshooting) or will ramp up my people-pleasing (anxious) to get them up to my level of interest in them. They, like anyone else. Even the part of lying about wanting a break on dating and then jumping onto dating apps. Please respect our space Thank you for your response. TIA how the fearful avoidant reacts to a breakup. ” Members Online Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) [New wave, 1983] I'm not fearful avoidant, but I've been pursuing someone who is for 2. The other is the avoidant side which fears getting hurt. How should I (a fearful avoidant) communicate my needs in this situation? Ok so I'm in a long distance relationship with a woman who seems to have an anxious attachment style. i will do my best to explain my side. It’s a sign of immaturity. I'll definitely look into the interdependent reading. They might pick partners who are avoidant, emotionally. I’m still learning about which of my experiences I can attribute to my attachment style though, which lead me to wondering about how other people experience deactivation. I’m a textbook fearful avoidant/disorganized and being afraid of commitment is not something I consciously choose to have happen. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. Kindly share your experiences of how you came this far to be a secured one. I've just spent all morning delving into some detail about attachment theory, and have come to the realisation that I'm primarily Fearful Avoidant (although the test I took had me down as secure, so I don't think it's too good at picking up some key traits). It’s uncanny how defined this condition is. don’t call me 50 times; don’t send me 100 texts, don’t drop by my house/job. It can get really confusing for me, because I have a lot of very secure friendships (some 25 years plus) and I love being there for them and engaging in emotional i I’ve been using a variety of therapeutic techniques on myself to heal this as well as recently starting in person therapy. If you stay steadfast in becoming more secure with therapy and self reflection, I think over time you will be - with ups and downs, of course. Ghosting is very unhealthy behavior. We met pretty young and had a really instant and mutual connection. She's dealing with a major change in her life right now. How to stop ghosting people and socialize normally as a dismissive/fearful avoidant? Apologies for the ill-thought-out wall of text. I do not believe in ghosting, so I would hope to come back and tell myself "It is okay to be vulnerable" and then try to explain what happened. 4- What triggers I don’t ever ghost. Now, where this discussion becomes incredibly complicated is when you consider the fact that there are really two types of avoidants. Stay blessed I dated a fearful avoidant 3 years ago, it was incredible the first 8 months. I finally had to block to stop the cycle. Like, I don’t switch between fearful and avoidant, I’m avoidant mostttt of the time and sometimes get fearful and just want to completely sever things, but from an emotionally charged state, not dead one. I actually crave close relationships. etc, but this sort of breakup is not normal. But recently my FA ghost me out of the blue. And if it's a game, then they have narcissistic or some other cluster B traits. Picture a teetor totter. We are both avoidants. It’s also completely disrespectful. I was already suspicious but ok. I’m a fearful avoidant in recovery, and have been for some time. Self-Compassion and silencing the inner critic, which is/was the abuser's voice, my mother. Natural and normal experiences of intimacy such as vulnerability and seeking support overwhelm an avoidant. Please respect our space Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. I was wondering if anyone here who is a fearful avoidant or really familiar with attachment theory could give some thoughts on my theory that an old love of mine who had a pattern of ghosting was fearful avoidant leaning. Do fearful avoidant people ever unblock their exes? My ex and i broke over a year ago and I wonder if she will ever unblock me. Feeling unworthy of healthy relationships is the biggest belief of a fearful avoidant. Talking exclusively for 6 months. Presumably even an avoidant would try if they thought they met “their person”. I want closeness, and with some people they can hug me during deactivation (friends), but I know that romantic relationships are more intimate, I try to avoid it because it can create intimacy At first I really thought he was ghosting me but my gut is telling me something else is going on, otherwise I feel like he would have blocked me. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. I(27m) was talking to a (26F) fearful avoidant afraid of committing As the title says we talked for about 2 months. There were times I was certain she was ghosting me but she didn't. So confusing. I ended talks with one guy, and then this guy had messaged me. There are four main adult attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. But i never ghost anyone. It's a great way to learn and connect with eachother. Sharing how and what helped you in achieving your goals would be highly appreciated. It is okay to use “Avoidant” theory to understand the partner’s tendency but we ended up criticizing each other for it. Sorry I don't have any advice, personally I've been trying to keep myself busy but anxiety always gets to me (I don't know if you are as anxious as me). We can talk for hours on end and never run out of things to say, we have similar interests and a similar level of intellect, and we've bonded over past I (FA/ AP if I'm with an avoidant), tend to run away from guys who show too much interest too quickly (unless they're unavailable). It made me more resilient in some ways, but also created alot of unwanted baggage in how I showed up in regards to affection in later relationships. But since I'm not 100% certain, let's assume he is fearful avoidant leaning very dismissive. feeling like my energy/love isn’t being reciprocated, feeling that the person doesn’t care about me, or that they are insincere/fake/have an ulterior motive. So he pulls away himself. i just came out of a deactivating spiral (stopped myself from ghosting, actually really proud of myself!) after i was triggered and went into a depressive spiral, and then i started to tell myself untrue stories to heal the wound (i realized it as the opposite of telling myself the story/narrative that made me anxious in the first place) Jul 4, 2024 路 Labeling each other “Avoidant” “Anxious” made things worse. I am secure but leaning preoccupied anxious when I’m involved with my FA. if you are anxious, you may perceive an avoidant as being toxic, so, for example, when he/she would send you a A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). I honest out of nowhere started having way more guys approaching me just when I was ready to pull myself out of online dating. I am an avoidant but have never ghosted anyone in my life. People who have a fearful avoidant (or disorganized, which I think is a better term) attachment style typically had traumatic childhoods with deeply inconsistent, chaotic or abusive parents. Avoidants, to catch them crying is a rare sight. s the traumatic wreckage that came with the breakup. I have both BPD and fearful avoidant attachment (lean toward Avoidant). You have “talks”, or conversation about fears, or conflicts . A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending/asserting our independence/autonomy often at the expense of intimacy. So I've pulled back. If their needs are being ignored they would typically exit, cheat or chase. Here are some things to look out for if you suspect you might be in a romantic relationship with a fearful avoidant. This includes those Avoidants come back but never on your terms. Also got the Fearful-Avoidant attachment and also felt disgust towards healthy love til mid 30s. Also, there is no approval process (unlike most other attachment theory subs). To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. This includes those How do you distinguish if this is because they like you and they’re avoidant, or if they’re just not that into you? From what I’ve read, the behaviours are pretty much identical. It's so interesting, I suggest to research it. Any insight appreciated. We have been friends for years. Anxious Preoccupied show more of an avoidant attitude on a surface level but deep inside, they are just being eaten alive by their anxiety and insecurities. Aug 29, 2022 路 An avoidant – or anyone – ghosting you is not a reflection of your worth. While they can be very similar, BPD is a personality disorder which means having mixed feelings on romantic relationships is only ONE aspect of the disorder. From my experience, I am pretty confident in saying he was fearful avoidant. This is almost exactly my story. The initial chemistry, the poor mental state, the ghosting, breadcrumbing and gaslighting. I feel pretty confident that I know how she developed it based on what I know about her family dynamic. Overall, she was quick to respond to texts whereas I tended to take longer to respond. He went away for a work trip for 2 weeks. Everything at the start was perfect, then once he Aug 19, 2024 路 I’m looking for some information from people that are solidly diagnosed with the Fearful Avoidant attachment style. When we are physically together, I feel chemistry with her like I've never felt with anyone else. Once we label people into a box and a definition, people feel being judged and there’s no evolving from it. Does anyone else relieved if u have a first date with a guy and they don't contact you. 3- The cause: The cause of fearful-avoidant attachment can be attributed to a childhood environment characterized by a lack of consistent comfort and safety, often stemming from experiences such as having a neglectful or unpredictable caregiver or enduring abuse. Thank you. Anyone interested in attachment theory is welcome here, not just fearful-avoidants. 5 years, on and off. I've been dating this guy for 2 months. The main reason he said he wanted to break up was because he felt a loss of agency and was losing his identity. The Avoidant person starts to get overwhelmed with the growing level of closeness and begins to back away. I was being interment reinforced every 2 weeks for 3. Every day is a battle. I mean I don't want anyone to hurt, but dang. I've been an online friend with someone for years, and it's always been pretty one-sided, with them starting and driving conversations over IM. Normally, you see breakup signs. I understand you’re worried she will want a conversation and that’s fair that she does. He’s either dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant leaning dismissive. Understanding the early signs of fearful avoidant ghosting can be crucial in managing your emotional investment and expectations in a relationship. The few times I have dated an anxious person I get the ick so badly and feel engulfed and go cold and split/ghost/run away. I was the most insufferable fearful avoidant in my teens. Me and my gf (fearful avoidant), have been in a no contact for 46 days, we did not have any fight or disagreement or even a break-up, however, she did ask me for space (due to some things happening in life + health issues) and I told her that I won't reach out until she does. We are just friends but I’m thinking i was ghosted because maybe FA was falling in love? Has any other FA ghosted because of falling in if you plan on being with a fearful avoidant, you better be OK with close to no affection from your partner lol and being very confused a lot and expect to be blamed by the fearful avoidant for the lack of intimacy lmao. Ghosting is breaking off a relationship by ceasing all communication & contact with a partner without any warning or justification and ignoring the partner's attempts to reach out and communicate. I (29M) have recently gone through a breakup with my partner (26F), who has a fearful avoidant attachment style. I heard it all. ----- The style of connecting/attaching with other people is a direct reflection of our earliest experiences with our caregivers, as well as other influential relationships in our life. Both in relationships. I recently (as in, in the past week) discovered I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, and suddenly my issues in past relationships made sooo much sense. ----------------------- The style of connecting/attaching with other people is a direct reflection of our earliest experiences with our caregivers, as well as other influential relationships in our life. I read an article on NPR about friend ghosting hurting more than dating ghosting and felt better that other people had the same thoughts and feelings I did. I was avoidant initially but powered through and made a concerted effort to be attentive, communicative, and respectful. This friend and I became very close and they often expressed their thankfulness for me being in their The avoidant's core wound of being unlovable kicks in and their beliefs of abandonment are reinforced yet again. It’s actually really helped me to learn to self soothe and become more secure (I typically lean anxious). I’m not dismissive avoidant but I’m definitely fearful avoidant, and it makes things SO difficult in my relationship 馃槥 it’s like “I love you but stop touching me” Following as I am currently in the same boat. I once heard that a fearful avoidant parent will criticize or dismiss behaviours or interests that their child has because they believe the world will reject them for them. I invite anyone who is currently going through this to join together here for venting, support, healing, and advice. Avoidant attachment types are extremely independent, self-directed, and often uncomfortable with intimacy. One side is the anxious side. That she's totally okay with just ghosting me, again and again. Many avoidant people will just deactivate and hope eventually they get dumped instead. I know there are a lot of avoidant leaning people who respond to posts on the AP sub so I'd like to ask for your opinion. I have read that they avoid the ones they have deep feelings for out of fear of intimacy, in the beginning there is less intimacy and closeness so they will have sex & as the intimacy deepens & closer the 2 of you become they no longer have sex with you & start to pull away . I do try to communicate to him why I’ve ended things irrationally or why I run. Its been great, dates were good, communication was consistent, weekly sleepovers. Sad because I really felt like this could be my person…. Jan 28, 2021 路 This is known as the Anxious-Avoidant dance, and its steps are as follows: The Avoidant person aggressively pursues the Anxious person, professing their feelings and showing high interest. **This community isspecifically for those with a DA attachment style** This is to vent, support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. The mechanics of this attachment style are amazingly predictable. Please respect our space Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. An avoidant will convince themselves you were the problem. The self-sabotaging is almost unbearable, we're trying to protect ourselves before anyone can hurt us, so we cut them off. But Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. . I will withdraw for a while if I’m triggered. But I never ghost. I have always been with APs & secures and i would feel so trapped:( But this time I got involved with another avoidant & he would ghost me for weeks & months so i dumped his sorry ass. Then it brought up avoidant personalities and that hit it perfectly. Can you tell me what it was like dating a fearful avoidant? I need to know what it is like so I can learn how to stop it. The fearful avoidant works much like a teetor totter swinging back and forth between anxious and avoidant. My FA was hurt and angry and kept me blocked for months. Hey, sorry for the long post, my ex is a fearful avoidant, she and I have been together for a matter of 7 months, the first 6 months were amazing, as she is one of a kind, we fell for each other quickly. The dismissive avoidant; The fearful avoidant; What’s the major Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. It wasn't until I found out I had fearful avoidant that I realized I was the problem the entire time. The “lovebombing,” the relationship progression, the “vilifying” or demonizing, the discard, the validation (pull/push). " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. distant or mildly abusive but they need to see some enthusiasm at the onset. It's been an extremely painful ride. Met this guy via FB dating. I think she's highly anxious, because she frequently apologizes and calls herself annoying, needs constant validation and feedback in conversations, and wants to be together all the time. I know about Heidi Priebe, I’ve read a bunch including Attached & currently reading Daring to Trust by David Richo(great book btw, highly recommend). My responses will be less frequent and more dry, not on purpose. I tried making plans and was completely ignored. Some of the best time ive had just learning about her, spending time. Fearful avoidants don't typically enter into superficial relationships. Avoidant Attachers: What is your personal definition of "ghosting"? Do you, or did you in the past, ghost people? What were your reasons for ghosting? If you've ghosted someone, what should that person do? How long, if at all, does it take you to resurface and reach out? Why? If they are ghosting you, then they know what they are doing, and it's a game to them. I'm more anxious now but I used to lean avoidant, so I understand a little where she's coming from, being scared to let people get close. Other attachment styles are also welcome and encouraged. I’m a fearful avoidant, once I’m done with people, my feelings for them tend to disappear and kind of border on contempt. I really do need to normalize being needed. Please respect our space If you have gone down a similar path to mine, you probably also ran into the bevy of content that is available on the Fearful Avoidant attachment style. I will become avoidant or anxious to reach what I call "interest parity". Now I’m like fuck, I don’t feel like I’m getting enough new input to stay on. We are just friends but I’m thinking i was ghosted because maybe FA was falling in love? Has any other FA ghosted because of falling You can't do a lot, if the relationship doesn't work for this reason the ONLY person who can fix it is the avoidant one. Cold and robotic on the phone. I'm Fearful Avoidant(35F), he's Dismissive Avoidant(38M). I mean, they cry but not in front of anyone. I could really use some perspective and advice on a complicated breakup situation I'm dealing with. I broke up with my avoidant ex last night, after 4 months. SA: Securely-Attached AP: Anxious-Preoccupied DA: Dismissive-Avoidant FA: Fearful-Avoidant I think this is extremely hard to gage due to how often avoidant/fearful people will stay in relationships for months-years due to things like guilt and avoiding the consequences of a break up. Please read the Sep 18, 2023 路 Identifying Early Signs of Fearful Avoidant Ghosting. Hi everyone so my bf I believe went into full deactivation mode, but week one or day 1 I should say of his initiated breakup we saw eachother and he apologized and hugged me said we were still together and that every thing was going to go back to normal well that didn’t happen the ghosting still happened but we were able to manage weekly visits each week getting worse and worse so week one Blocked my fearful avoidant ex We were in a long distance situationship for one year and she left me one week after telling me she loved me, and that she is excited for us and wants to invest in taking this to the next level because there is no one else like me. A person with avoidant attachment finds themselves ghosting others because of their own anxiety. feeling like i I've been dating someone for about 9 months who I believe is avoidant. Even when the partner has shown an insurmountable amount of patience to the avoidant, this is met with suspicion and escalating push-backs will be thrown out until they crack. Mine came back after 2 weeks, a month, 8 months and 2 years lol. Here's a bit of background: We met through a very close mutual group of friends which we are both still in. Except for partners who are strictly casual and organically fade, I sometimes remember them fondly. Jul 13, 2022 路 Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. And then it just became an absolute shitshow of a roller coaster. But there’s that nagging sadness that even if I heal my fearful avoidant attachment, what if the friendships I ghosted, never come back? It’s been years since I’ve ghosted many of them, the most recent has been 6 There's no real answer to your question of if you will be able to heal or not, but moreso your conviction to overcome your fearful avoidant tendencies. We talked about moving in, getting married and having kids. I wasn't crazy, evil, or the only one going through this. Me personally, I am trying to learn how to be okay/enjoy being my own company, so that even when someone leaves or hurts me, I'll be okay. I'm an avoidant (unsure if DA or FA with dismissive tendencies), and I've been feeling drained when I spend time with my anxious friend. Talking exclusively for a year. This thread is merely for those individuals who were Fearful Avoidant in the past. Those with Fearful Avoidant/Disorganized Attachment styles who successfully navigated into the "Secure" attachment style, how did you do it? Question I am seeing someone who sustained a lot of childhood/adult trauma and appears to have the FA attachment style. " That statement makes me doubt he's an avoidant. I was blocked on all platforms after i sent a message 4-5 months after the breakup in which i expressed my gratitude for the relationship and the way she treated me. djyuc qsrt yllzgfoz dzzng rsel gqmw qimydxmc wvuotc zmtou troin